'Children Deserve to Know
Where They Come From'
is a campaign led
by Emma- a child behaviour advisor
and family therapist
-
best known
for her work as
'The Child Listener™'
Discussing and exploring the
issues relating
to children born through:
Welcome to The Child Listener's 2011 Campaign
Click Here for Private Sperm Donor Questionnaire-
To Be Shared (at an appropriate time) With Your Donor Conceived Child
Also visit our new Sperm 'Donor Dad' Support Network - Coming Soon
- The Child Listener™ - A Voice for Kids
Children and Sperm Donation
Issues and Information Relating to Raising Children Born Through Sperm Donation
Also read related news
The Child Listener™ asks- "When does a sperm donor become a father?"
Comments Regarding the Plight of Children (now
adults) Who Were Created Through
Anonymous Sperm Donations
I have always been concerned about the current system- not only anonymous but also 'known' sperm donation- with children still not getting information about their origins until the age of 18. As a promoter of children's rights I believe that they should be given information about their biological origins as early as possible- and that parents should receive professional help and support regarding how and when to tell children etc. What happens after the birth is far more important- and it seems that most are just then left to get on with it- as if their job is done. Offering parents and their children information about the donor can assist in helping them form a positive self-image and identity. This is - in part- why I created an alternative- a sperm donation connections web site where the focus is on what happens AFTER conception. Anonymous donations are not suported. Donors choose who to donate to - and often keep in touch- meeting the child is he or she wishes-with many playing an active role. It is early days- the site has only been operating for almost 8 years- however we are now starting to see the impact of children being able to know of- and often meet- their 'donor dad' - and how parenting a child created through sperm donation can work for all- including the child. Earlier this month the 'Children Deserve to Know Where They Come From' campagin was launched- educating and supporting families with donor conceived children- preventing the very issues described in this article. Even though many argue that what is most important are the parents who are raising the child- we are now more accurately understanding what these children (now adults) really feel about their conception- the way in which they were told- and what they wish would happen for other donor conceived children in the future. Regardless of how fantastic the parent/s - everyone needs- and deserves - to know where they come from. How important that information is only known to that individual.
I do not believe this means abolishing sperm donations altogether- however we do need to find legal solutions that offer people the chance to be parents (if they are emotionally and financially ready and able to offer children a loving, stable and secure family life) that also allow for more information sharing with children, early in life when they are forming their identities. And as new parenting arrangements are being made many are finding ways to include the donor dad in the child's life. This cannot happen when people use a clinic however- and I do feel that we need to address this.
Sperm Donor Conceived Children - Issues Relating to Sperm Banks and Clinics?
Through FSDW choices are offered- an opportunity for the children born as a result of sperm donation, and to be able to gain more information. To know who they are- biologically. Men should be able to be known before 18- even where there is no active parenting or legal rights and responsibilities.
This was demonstrated in a recent side piece in the Sunday Telegraph where a lesbian couple turned their backs on standard fertility clinics within Australia- not only because the waiting list is so long- with limited supplies- but so that they could choose their donor through FSDW (Free Sperm Donations Worldwide) and so that their child could know who he was. They plan on using the FSDW donor for two children.
'After five years together N*** and L*** decided to make a modern family by having a baby.
"We asked a few friends first, and it was so awkward. We decided it would be more complicated with someone we knew". Ms L*** said. So the couple turned their back on standard fertility clinics because they wanted to choose their own donor- instead of being on a waiting list for the few on offer at registered clinics.
"Within a week, we found the guy and it was really important for us that our children could meet him later on, which he is ok with " Ms L**, 32, a massage therapist said.
Ms E**, 35, plans to fall pregnant this year, Ms L*** a few years later, from the dame donor.
(Jan 1 2011)
This is just one example that suggests an increasing awareness of the rights and needs of the child- and how the current systems do not allow for this. Through FSDW all parties are encouraged to talk about their arrangement beforehand- entering into an agreement honestly and with mutual consent. FSDW hopes to work within the legal system to allow for such arrangements to be recognised- with donors being able to relinquish rights and responsibilities- or enter into a legal co-parenting arrangement, if this is so desired by all. There will of course always be a need for assisted conception within a medical facility- however she believes that options should be more fully explored.
We are living in a very different world- and the fertility authorities and legal system are failing to address the wider issues- and especially children's right for information.
What do you think should happen in this regard?
Email your Thoughts and Suggestions
Children Born Through Sperm Donation
- Donor Conception Related Articles
Donor Conception- Telling Your Child
http://www.parentlink.act.gov.au/parenting_guides/specific_issues/donor_conception
Talking with children about sperm donation
http://gayrights.einnews.com/pr-news/286307-talking-with-children-about-sperm-donation
Are the Kids Alright?
http://www.nationalpost.com/news/canada/kids+right/4188544/story.html
The Sperm-Donor Kids Are Not Really All Right -A new study shows they suffer.
By Karen Clark and Elizabeth Marquardt
http://www.slate.com/id/2256212/pagenum/all/#p2
Please so read comments below article.
And also here- for example (the comments below are taken from the article comments)
This study is invalid and worthless for a combination of three reasons:
1. The sample of sperm donated kids was only 485 children.
2. The survey included questions perfectly designed to prime the sperm donated kids to think they have problems due to how they were conceived, which is almost certain to produce biased results.
3. The study also found "that the adoptees on average are struggling more than those raised by their biological parents.", which contradicts everything we know about the ACTUAL life outcomes of adopted children.-
The basic issue is that survey data is highly sensitive to priming, and this survey is the most unscientifically primed I've ever seen.
You’d never get away with this sort of thing in a reputable market research firm, certainly not taking it this far.
http://www.theage.com.au/national/dad-i-never-knew-you-20110202-1aduu.html
Talking With Children About Sperm Donation
http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/talking-with-children-about-sperm-donation-113590974.html
IVF Parents Want Child's History
http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/wa/8675847/ivf-parents-want-childs-history/
http://gametedonation.wordpress.com/2011/01/24/youre-a-stranger-and-youre-a-friend-of-mine/
This paper will explain why The Child Listener™ advocates for alternative solutions to commerical ART - especially anonymousp://www.nla.gov.au/openpublish/index.php/aja/article/viewFile/1687/2048
| 27 June 2011 - by Wendy Kramer and Professor Naomi Cahn |
The fertility industry in the US state of Washington will be transformed in late July 2011, when a new law to recognise rights of donor-conceived people comes into effect. Under the changes, anyone who provides gametes to a fertility clinic in the state must also provide identifying information about themselves and their medical history...
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| 06 June 2011 - by Professor Eric Blyth and Dr Marilyn Crawshaw |
The regulation of assisted human reproduction in Canada has had a long and tortuous history. Twenty one years after a Royal Commission appointed by the federal government recommended legislation (1), and following several failed attempts to get legislation through the Canadian parliament, the Assisted Human Reproduction Act 2004 came into force (2)...
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| 23 May 2011 - by Sarah Guy |
Anonymous egg and sperm donation will no longer be permitted in British Columbia (BC), Canada, after a donor-conceived woman, Olivia Pratten, took the provincial government to court to argue that its adoption laws discriminated against individuals such as herself....
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| 06 December 2010 - by Professor Eric Blyth |
Australia has been a noted pacemaker in the field of assisted reproduction. It was the first nation to report embryo relinquishment for family-building, and a pregnancy and live birth from a previously cryopreserved human embryo. The Australian state of Victoria was among the world's first jurisdictions to remove the rights of gamete and embryo donors to remain anonymous...
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| 29 November 2010 - by Damian Adams and Dr Marilyn Crawshaw |
| Australia has, in recent years, had to face up to the social and emotional adversity caused by past policies. Attention is now turning. A Federal Inquiry into Donor Conception is examining the plight of what Damian Adams has called 'the 'donated' generation' (1). These are the thousands of people conceived using donated gametes who have been denied knowledge of their biological kinship, heritage, familial health history and conception... |
Related Web Sites
Free Sperm Donations Worldwide - Still the ONLY sperm donation connections web site in the world that does NOT allow for NI donations to be requested or offered, do not allow for Anonymous donations to be requested or offered and where no payment is allowed for donations.
Children 1st Sperm Donation Worldwide
Donor Sibbling Registry
https://www.donorsiblingregistry.com/
Current Topics
* Legal Recognition - Why it is important for both parents to be recognised legally- even if one (or both) are not the biological parents
* Does age make a difference? - how early should you tell your child he or she was born through sperm donation? Articles and discussions relating to when and how to tell the child.
Donor Dad Questionnaire Here
- Sharing information with
sperm donor conceived children
when making a private arrangement
Legal Recognition - Why it is important for both parents to be recognised legally- even if one (or both) are not the biological parents
Related Articles
Across Australia, if a woman who gives birth has a
male partner,
he is able to be recognised and
registered on the birth certificate as
the
child's legal parent, whether or not he is the child's
biological parent (e.g. following donor
insemination). In some parts of Australia, the law
has been changed to allow a birth mothers female
partner who is in the same position to be
recognised and registered as the child's legal
parent, but in other parts of Australia, this is still
not the case. Discriminatory parentage (and other
family-related) laws are regarded by both those
who support them and those who oppose them as
marking out same-sex parented families as less
acceptable or desirable than other families, or
even, as not families at all. Based on the
Australian Conceiving the Family: Lesbian Mothers Decisions, experiences and Well-being, and the
Current Legal, Public Policy and Discursive Context
project, this article presents a summary of the
reasons that changes in parentage laws have been
extensively called for, and the benefits arising
from such changes, with a focus on the needs and
well-being of children.
Read Paper Here
Would you think that donor conceived children of lesbian parents do better than typical families? Read this article...
In an interesting contrast to the study put out by the Institute for American Values, a study published in a recent issue of Pediatrics found that children of lesbian couples, conceived with donor sperm, do better than typical families.
According to the article on CNN, the 25-year study followed 78 couples who conceived using donor sperm. The mothers were interviewed during pregnancy or the donor-insemination process, and when the children were ages 2, 5, 10 and 17. The children were also interviewed four times as they matured.
When the children were 17, they took an online questionnaire, which looked at their psychological, social, and academic adjustment.
Researchers used the Child Behavior Checklist, which is a standard method of determining behavioral and social health in children. The children of the lesbian couples did better than average on the test, when compared to typical families. They scored higher in psychological well being, and had fewer behavioral problems.
As for why they did better (as opposed to doing just as well), it's not clear. It could be because these were well planned pregnancies, very much wanted, and the moms were older (and therefore more mature) than the average family.
As with any study, there is always the potential for bias, and this study was on the small side with 78 families. However, there are some key differences between this study and the study from the Institute for American Values (which was also on sperm donor-conceived children):
- This study appeared in a peer reviewed, professional journal.
- While funding for this study did come from a gay/lesbian advocacy group, according to the researchers, they had no part in the design or carrying out of the study.
- Standard tools of assessment were used in evaluating the children, as opposed to questionnaires developed solely for the study's purpose.
This is certainly a topic that needs more research. But it does show that donor-conceived children are not necessarily at greater risk for psychological distress, as the study from the Institute for American Values would have you believe.
What are your thoughts? Please feel free to share in the comments below. I'd love to hear from you!
Read this recent article and post your comments using the link below
http://infertility.about.com/b/2010/06/10/donor-conceived-children-of-lesbian-parents-do-better-than-typical-families.htm
Does age make a difference? - how early should you tell your child he or she was born through sperm donation? Articles and discussions relating to when and
how to tell the child.
Australia- DCSG -Telling Your Child
Source
| Donor Conception: Telling your child | ||
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The South Australian Council of Reproductive Technology have produced an information sheet on "Telling your child" about their donor conception. Please click here to download the pdf document. Requires Adobe Acrobat Reader. |
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Reproductive technology using donated eggs, sperm or embryos may be the only way some people can have a baby. These children are very much wanted and many happy families have been formed in this way. In the past parents were often advised not to tell their child of their donor conception. We now know that this is not necessarily in the best interests of the child, and that children have the right to know how they were conceived and about their genetic history. Many people concerned with children’s welfare and adults who were born from donated sperm are leading the way to change the law so that in the future all children can find information about their donor origins. You may have gone through a roller coaster of emotions and will have had to come to terms with not having a child that is genetically ‘yours’. You may not have told anyone including the child’s grandparents, uncles, aunts and friends. However your child’s history should not be kept secret from them. You may need support, and your child may need support. You may have fears that telling your child will harm your relationship with your child. Many parents are now facing this complex issue. The Law in SA Under the Reproductive Technology Act 1988 donors have the right to have their identity kept secret unless they agree in writing to release information. Some children have been born as a result of “known” donation from family members or friends. In most cases nonidentifying information about the donor has been kept confidentially. This may include details such as height, weight, colouring, interests, occupation and family background. Any person over the age of sixteen years born from donated sperm, eggs or embryos may access this information provided it cannot identify the donor. In recent years donors are more willing to let their identities be known. Parents nowadays are counselled to tell their children about their origins. Why telling is important Our genetic identity is part of our history - it is the beginning of our life story. Knowing our history helps us to understand who we are. Secrecy is not in the best interests of the child. Experience tells us that knowing of donor origins is not a problem in itself. The circumstances in which disclosure or discovery occurs can, however, cause problems. We also know that the absence of such information can damage self-esteem. If your child is told by somebody else or accidentally finds out, they may feel a sense of betrayal. Why telling is important - medical reasons We are born with an inherited tendency towards developing certain diseases later in life. If we know our history it can help to either get an early diagnosis or prevent diseases developing, eg bowel or breast cancer. Donors are asked to record the diseases in their families and this information is available from the clinics, for your child. DNA testing and blood group testing are becoming more common and such tests can show that two people may not be related as thought. Receiving such important and personal information in this way can seriously damage a sense of trust and family relationships. There is a very small but real risk that when your child becomes an adult they will meet, fall in love and have sex with their half-brother or sister. If both knew their origins they could check on whether they were related before this happened. Why telling is important - family relationships Secrets in families can undermine the trust and stability of family relationships. Secrets are hard to keep for long - the idea of a life-long secret is a great burden. The stress of keeping secrets can cause arguments, conflict and stress. Being secretive may indicate to others that we are ashamed, especially to the child. Infertility is a health problem, not a reason for shame. When to tell Children should be told as soon as they are able to understand rather than be left to guess. They may wonder why you waited so long or they may find out from somebody else. How and when you tell your child is important. There is no set age that is best - children develop at different rates. Start telling your child even if you think they are too young to understand. Try telling it like a story, especially for younger children. Don’t make it sound like a big secret. Remember many people had their children this way. Make your child feel special in this knowledge. Tell them how wanted they were. Compare it with other ways of family formation such as adoption and step-families. Telling family and friends All families are different and talking to a counsellor about how to tell may be helpful. If children know, they may tell others. If you have told a family member and not your child, the ‘secret’ may come out. Choose people who will be supportive when told and who can provide moral support. Remember infertility is common (1 in 7 couples). Surveys have shown that most people approve of and support the use of donors to help create families. How children respond Be prepared for reactions that you may not be expecting. Your child may reassure you that it doesn’t alter how much they love you. Some children may not be at all interested. Your child may tell you that they thought something was different because no one talked about them having ‘mum’s eye colour’ or ‘dad’s nose’ for example. Children may be curious about how it all happened. Practice for what you might tell them. |
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Children are naturally curious and may have questions about the donor. Asking more about their donor does not mean that they are rejecting you. As they get older they may to want to explore and find out more information. There will be non-identifying information about the donor available at the clinic you attended. Sometimes the donor can be contacted to provide more detail. Some donors may not be able to be contacted and you should prepare your child for this. The reproductive medicine clinics have counsellors who can help. This is a free service to you and your child (and other family members if needed). |
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Donor Conception Support Groups provide an opportunity to talk to others in a similar situation and for your children to meet other donor children. Tel: (02) 9793 9335 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting (02) 9793 9335 end_of_the_skype_highlighting or email dcsg@optusnet.com.au |
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Supernanny Team Article
What do you tell your donor child – and when?
It’s better for children conceived by donor insemination to be told of their origins at an early age, according to the first large-scale study of people who are aware of their donor conception. If the children aren’t told until they’re 18 or older, they’re more likely to have feelings of shock and anger, according to a study just presented at the 24th annual meeting of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in Barcelona.
The study is one of the first to compare the views of the children after donor insemination told of their origins during childhood compared with those who only found out in adulthood. The researchers recruited a sample of 165 children conceived by sperm donation through the Donor Sibling Registry, a US-based, worldwide website that enables donor offspring to search for their donors and their donor siblings (other donor children who share the same donor). The participants answered an online questionnaire consisting of multiple-choice and open-ended questions. They were aged 13-61; 148 (89%) were living in the US and four (2%) were living in the UK; the majority (approximately three-quarters) were female.
For all children, the most common feeling was curiosity… but those told in adulthood were more likely to feel confused, shocked and upset
Dr Vasanti Jadva, a research associate at the Centre for Family Research, University of Cambridge (UK), found that children born into mother-only or same-sex parent families were much more likely to be told about their origins before the age of 3 than were children of heterosexual parents: 63%, 56% and 9% respectively. Indeed, 33% of children in heterosexual families were told about their conception after the age of 18, compared with none in the other two types of families. Two children from heterosexual parents only found out when told by people who were not their parents.
“We asked the children how they felt at the time they found out about their conception, excluding those that found out before the age of three as they would have been too young to recall their feelings,” says Dr Jadva. “For all children, the most common feeling was curiosity, irrespective of the age at which they found out. However, there were differences according to the age at which they’d been told of their conception, with those told during adulthood more likely to report feeling confused, shocked, upset, relieved, numb and angry.”
For instance, 37% of those told when aged 4-11 reported feeling confused, compared to 52% told when aged 12-18, and 69% told when aged over 18. In the respective age groups, 27%, 58% and 75% respectively reported feeling shocked; 16%, 23% and 44% reported feeling upset; 6%, 26% and 38% reported feeling relieved; 6%, 26% and 38% reported feeling numb; and 12%, 13% and 38% reported feeling angry. Examples of comments made by the participants included this, from an adult who found out when he was 17: “I would have appreciated revelation of this information much earlier in my life. Learning of my biological identity at 17 years of age was a traumatic event.” A late teen who found out at the age of 12 commented: “Either tell your kid from the beginning or don’t tell them at all. It was one of the most shocking and upsetting moments of my life. I felt alone.” Conversely, a 13 year old who found out at age 4 said, “I was so young I don't remember feeling much more than interested and curious.”
“With regards to how children felt towards their mother at the time of finding out, those told in adolescence or adulthood were more likely to report feeling angry about being lied to and betrayal,” says Dr Jadva. “Those told as children were more likely to state that it made no difference to how they felt towards their mother compared to those told later in life.” According to whether they were told between 4-11, 12-18 or over 18, 12%, 29% and 47% respectively felt angry at being lied to, and 12%, 23% and 34% felt betrayal. There were no statistically significant differences in feelings of offspring towards their father at the time of disclosure.
When asked how they felt currently about their conception, the most common response was curiosity, reported by 69% of the children. There were significant differences for those feeling angry, relieved and shocked, with those told after the age of 18 more likely to report these feelings. By contrast, a 15 year old, told before the age of 3, commented: “I’ve grown up knowing how I was conceived. I’ve always accepted it because I never knew any different. Now that I am a little older the only thing that’s changed is that I’m a bit more curious.”
Dr Jadva concludes, “This study shows that age of disclosure is important in determining donor children’s feeling about their conception. It appears it is better for children to be told about their donor conception at an early age. This finding is in line with research on adoption, which also shows that children benefit from early disclosure about the circumstances of their birth. In light of the trend toward greater openness, it is important we recognize that telling offspring of their conception may evoke a sense of curiosity about their origins which could lead them to seek out their donor relations. In fact, we have found that offspring show high levels of interest in contacting not only their donor, but also their donor siblings. Offspring from this study have gone on to find an average of four donor siblings, with a maximum of 13.”
Source - please send useful stories and articles
Children and sperm donation- issues, stories, articles relating to sperm donor conceived children